If we ‘think positive,’ will everything be ok? Mind over matter… Look on the bright side… stay positive… I have just googled ‘positive quotes’ and there is an endless stream of inspiringly encouraging and warming pearls of wisdom. We know how we SHOULD think, but is it really that simple or that easy? How important are the words we use?
Meet Bob*. Bob enjoys his job and wants to proceed up the career ladder. He is capable and well respected, so people come to him if they have issues or need help with their work. The next step on his career path is a role that would involve lots of public speaking. He could do everything else involved in that role, but he hates public speaking.
Bob had to say something aloud in class when he was 5. He slightly stumbled on his words and got upset & embarrassed. All through school, every time he needed to speak out loud he would get overwhelmingly nervous & would hate it, even though he usually knew the answer. Every time this happened, his sub-conscious collected those feelings, stored them in a filing cabinet in the depths of his memory and called it, “Public Speaking.” Through the years, without Bob being consciously aware of it, any similar experiences were added to that filing cabinet.
Now, as an adult, every time Bob needs to speak in public, his sub-conscious mind gathers up every bit of information from the “Public Speaking” filing cabinet and releases it into his thoughts.
Bob then tells himself, “I can’t do public speaking. I am no good at it.” He does everything he can to get out of it, even when he is aware that he is stopping himself from achieving his full potential and getting the recognition he deserves. He becomes disappointed and frustrated with himself as he can see how his behaviour is negatively impacting him. To make matters worse, that experience & all those feelings are scooped up, added to all the past experiences and shoved back in the “Public Speaking” filing cabinet, ready & waiting for next time. It has become a real issue.
So, Bob is now convinced that he is no good at public speaking. He tells himself that. He probably tells others too. He sees it as a fact. Who he is. How is that going to help him achieve what he wants to achieve? How is talking to himself in that way going to make him feel good about himself and confident enough to speak publically? There is no factual, concrete evidence that he ‘can’t do public speaking’, it is all based on his own perception and beliefs about himself. His limiting beliefs.
So, back to the original question. If we ‘think positive,’ will everything be ok? Without that full filing cabinet of past experiences, yes! I think simply ‘thinking positive’ would make everything ok. But it takes a little bit more than that to break a pattern of thought, and so behaviour, that has been snowballing for a while. This is where you need to challenge the limiting belief.
In NLP, we talk about how re-framing, or re-wording, the way we say something makes us feel a different way about it. We use specific questions to encourage people to look at it from a different angle, some of which are below.
Let’s challenge Bob’s limiting belief!
“I can’t do public speaking. I’m no good at it.”
1. What is the actual issue?
What is the problem? What is your limiting belief? What is un-helpful about those statements?
The problem is that I am telling myself that I can’t & won’t be able do it.
I believe that I am no good at it.
Saying this to myself is un-helpful because I am stopping myself from even trying as I presume I will fail.
2. Challenge your beliefs/ perceptions.
What are you assuming about yourself? What is helpful/ unhelpful about that assumption? How else could you interpret the situation?
I am assuming I won’t ever be able to do it.
I am not giving myself any other option. I have stated a fact.
I could accept that it is my nerves making me feel this way.
3. Change how you are looking at it.
What would (someone you know/ admire/ someone famous) do? What advice would you give to someone else? Is it an issue because of the way you feel about it, or is it an actual problem? What is the opposite to the problem & what would you get from that?
X would research, get all the facts, find some effective calming techniques and get on with it and I would advise someone else to do the same as X.
My nerves are stopping me from doing it, I think I could do it if I could get those under control.
The opposite would be that I would be really confident speaking aloud and people would see what I can achieve and I would be able to show them that I know what I am doing.
4. How will these new thoughts help you?
What does it allow you to do? What does it provide you with? What does it help you to do?
It allows me to think about giving it a go.
Thinking about what X would do shows me how I could do it & what I need to do to prepare.
It helps me to think about whether I may get something positive out of it and if it is worth giving it a go.
So, Bob has seen things from a different angle. It has given him food for thought and different options and he is now able to make an informed decision about what to do without his limiting beliefs stopping him.
Positive thinking is very important, but sometimes challenging your thinking can be more effective. Give it a go yourself. Have you got a limiting belief that you could challenge? Use the 4 stages and the questions above to see how you can change your perception of yourself. Please get in touch. I’d love to hear how it goes and answer any questions you may have.
* Bob is an entirely fictional person, inspired by many people who have worked hard to challenge their limiting belief.
